I keep girls around that I'm not sure about.
And I finally figured out why.
Here's what it looks like. There's a girl. She's into me. Great girl — on paper, everything lines up. And I still feel it: something's missing. I'm not sure.
But instead of being honest about that, I linger. I stay in the talking phase as long as I possibly can. Never make it a thing. Never end it either.
Why I do it
I told myself that was me being open-minded. Giving it a chance.
It's not. It's control.
Because when she wants me more than I want her, I can't lose. Nothing can get ripped away from me. And that position — being the one who's wanted more — is the safest place I know. So I stay in it. I keep her parked on hope, and it costs me nothing.
The rule
Mark Manson has a rule I think about all the time: If it's not a fuck yes, it's a no.
Not maybe. Not "she's great, let's see." If you're second-guessing whether to take her seriously — that's the answer. You already know. You just don't want to lose the comfortable thing.
Compatible isn't the same as wanting her. Compatible without wanting her is just settling.
I'm not going to tell you I've fixed this. I haven't. I still catch myself doing it. But that's the rule I'm holding myself to now: if I'm second-guessing it, I end it. Not to hurt her. Because leaving somebody parked on hope isn't kind. It just feels kind to me.
Both sides of this
If you're doing this right now — keeping somebody around because it's easy — you already know.
And if you're the one being kept around, by a girl who's "not sure": she's not confused about you. She's comfortable. I know, because I've been the one doing the keeping.
Trust your gut. If you're second-guessing it, it's a no.
— Noah Danenhower
P.S. Hit reply and tell me which side of this you're on right now. No judgment — I've been on the wrong one plenty.
P.P.S. Know somebody stuck in a talking phase that's gone on way too long? Forward them this.