Sunday I asked you one question. What's one thing you do because you're supposed to, not because you want to? Here's some of what came back.
One guy plays soccer because his parents want to watch him play, especially his dad. He doesn't want to play anymore. He's still going to practice.
Another guy is in flight school because his family says he needs to be. He likes flying. He doesn't want to be a pilot right now. He wants to build something of his own.
One guy got the degrees. They got him the jobs. They also burned him out.
A guy in Denmark said he's been a people pleaser his whole life and he's done being that.
And a few of you said things like "pay rent" and "I work."
I want to split those into two piles, because they're not the same thing.
Rent and work aren't the trap. If nobody on earth cared what you did, you'd still need a roof and money. That's just being an adult. Nobody's confused about why they pay rent.
The soccer is the trap. The flight school is the trap. The people pleasing is the trap. Those aren't things you'd do if nobody was watching. They're things you do because someone you love would be disappointed if you stopped. And that's the hardest kind to quit, because it doesn't feel like a cage. It feels like being a good son.
So here's what I want you to do this week. Two steps.
Step one, the test. Take your thing and picture nobody ever finding out you stopped. No disappointed dad in the stands. No family asking about the license. Do you still do it? If yes, it's yours. Keep it and stop feeling weird about it. If the only thing holding it up is someone else's face when you quit, it was never your want. It was theirs, and you've been carrying it.
Step two, if it failed the test. Say one true sentence to that person. Not "I quit." You don't have to quit anything this week. Just "I don't love this anymore." Out loud, to their face. The trap only works while that sentence stays unsaid. The second it's out, you're not carrying it alone, and most of the time the person you were scared of disappointing would rather have the real you than the one who shows up and hates it.
Then reply to this email and tell me what you said and what they said back. I'll read every one.
— Noah Danenhower
P.S. Soccer guy, that means you. Tell your dad. I bet it's not what you think.